I am clinically depressed.  During the course of my life, I have strongly considered suicide as an option. Anyone who has struggled with this will tell you it’s one of the hardest things to say aloud.  People can be judgmental, ignorant, or downright mean.  And it’s not fair, and it’s not right.


September 10, 2012 is World Suicide Prevention Day.
Followed by Suicide Prevention Week.

 Therefore, I’m offering you what I can, that is all anyone can offer.

 First, I’d like to give you a list of some my favorite books FREE for your Kindle.  If you do not have a Kindle, you can download the free Kindle app for your computer HERE.

The Picture of Dorian Gray
Little Women
Dracula
The Secret Garden
Frankenstein
The Wonderful Wizard of Oz
Peter And Wendy
Vanity Fair
The Three Musketeers
Anna Karenina


 Why a book? 

Books have changed my life, and I don’t mean writing them. Ever since I was small, books have been my refuge.  I lived in a small house, with practically no yard, but I had a Secret Garden, a Narnian closet, the March sisters.  Even as I grew, and by sheer prodding, was forced to spend more time in the real world, I always kept an eye out. For white rabbits, and frogs that could be royalty in disguise. I felt alone like Harry and cried for Snape.  I remembered the
wise words of Aslan and Dumbledore as I sat in college classes trying hard to stay grounded.  I have applauded the accuracy of both Susan The Gentle as well as Katniss Everdeen.  I don’t have my own planet, but one day I hope to be as tamed and loved as The Little Prince’s rose.
 
You see, they may all be fictional characters. 
But it just so happens, they’ve all saved my life.

 Therefore, take a book. 
I hope you like it, I hope it stirs you up and makes you think.

I hope a lot for you…


I hope you know suicide is never the answer. 
I hope you know that feeling insignificant is painfully normal at times. 
I want you to know that no one has it all figured out. 
(If anyone claims to have it figured out, they are lying… or delusional.) 
I need you to know that you would be missed. 
That despite how alone you feel people would ache over your absence. 
I want you to know I’ve been there,
and that sometimes I go back there
and it’s ok as long as you don’t stay there. 
I hope you know you are tough,
even when you feel like your bones are made of jelly
and your heart is made of glass. 
I want you to know
that your bones and your heart have one thing in common. 
Once they’ve been broken, they heal even stronger. 
I want you to know that it does get better. 
No, pain doesn’t *poof* away. 
Sometimes it takes years to conquer it, like a dragon, an epic quest. 
Sometimes all you can do
is make room for it, so you can move on.  

Most importantly, you are the only you this universe is ever going to get. 
Leave a mark on it, no matter how large or small. 
Be kind, open your heart, grow up… but not too much, do stupid stuff just
to laugh, keep the memories close to you.  

They will be the nightlight in the darkness.


Never let anyone tell you that you are anything less than a miracle, stardust.


Years will keep coming,
and your whole life can change in a moment. 
So hold on, and just keep breathing…



WORLD SUICIDE PREVENTION WEBSITE

IF YOU OR SOMEONE YOU KNOW IS STRUGGLING WITH SUICIDE PLEASE CALL
1.800.442.HOPE

HOPELINE WEBSITE


TO WRITE LOVE ON HER ARMS
 


Comments

09/08/2012 12:01pm

Your words are inspiring, courageous, and so many other things, Jess. I think you're amazing.

Reply
09/09/2012 5:17am

You are very brave, Jess! I have also been there and books were my refuge too, so I understand your words very well. You are awesome!

Reply
JESSICA FORTUNATO
09/09/2012 7:58am

Thank you both so much. So many of us have been there, or worse lost someone to that dark place. All of us dealing with depression and these thoughts are brave and strong. Sometimes I think we just need to be reminded.

Reply
Juli
09/09/2012 8:32am

Your words could get a suicidal kid to think of other possibilities. I can relate when it comes to books being my refugee. Thanks why going to school ruins my fictional world i live to visit in my mind.

Reply
JESSICA FORTUNATO
09/09/2012 11:08am

I hated school for the same reason. Luckily my high school offered creative writing classes, and extra English classes, so in a way I got to bring my "friends" with me. My senior year we started a book club that snowballed into a creative writing club. Fiction and reality can't ever overlap fully, but bits can go back and forth when you want them to.
*a million hugs Juli*

Reply
Juli
09/09/2012 1:09pm

*a million hugs back* im glad to have someone to relate to. My high school might have a creative writing club, and i might join. Do you think it might help?

09/09/2012 11:59am

It takes a strong person to put oneself out there like this. I'm sure glad you're still around to share with us.

Reply
JESSICA FORTUNATO
09/09/2012 5:09pm

Juli I think it would definitely help. Writing is one of many mediums to sort out emotions and feelings especially when it feels like you don't have anyone to tell them to. Plus you just might meet someone you have something in common with!

Reply
Juli
09/09/2012 6:15pm

Okay thank you!

Reply
09/09/2012 8:20pm

Very nice post, I meant to comment the first time I read this but it was on my phone.. I think we all live in our fictional worlds to cope with the real one.

Reply
09/10/2012 5:38am

Thank you so much for sharing this message Jess. I tend to have a love/hate relationship with my depression. I hate the way it seems to swallow me up for weeks or months at a time, seemingly endless despair at the time. However I love it because it often seems I write my best stuff while in its throes. In fact I wrote my favorite poem, Shattered Dreams, while severely depressed and suicidal. It was my way of dealing with the pain.

I also agree with you that suicide is never the answer. No matter how alone you feel, there will be loved ones who will be devastated if you were gone. No matter how dark things look, the sun will eventually peak through the clouds.

Thanks again for being brave enough to post this message and share your personal struggle.

Reply
Mini Chakma
09/10/2012 6:06am

People giving you hardtimes right now are just ignorant and don't realize their mistakes at the moment. Each one of each grow up through time. Learn to be forgiving and be strong. Just don't give up! Never give up ! Be strong and there will come a day when the hard times will be gone, people who once have given you a hardtime will never be able to look you in the eye. There is so much more to learn and Life IS beautiful . Just don't give up. There are many people whom you care and love and you know, they love you back too. And never think or feel you are alone.

Reply
09/11/2012 7:15pm

Jess,

You and I have had many discussions about this. Thanks for bringing it to light and for using yourself and your experiences as a vehicle to bring some relief to others! You inspire me and so many others! Thank you so much!

Reply
ceejay
11/22/2013 9:54am

I have read this post thrice now. It's beautiful and hopeful. I cried so much for the first two times i read this. And it felt so good. And then i read it the third time and i promised myself that whenever i feel pain, i feel like there is no hope, i will remember this. I will read this again. I will know that it's okay to be sad and that it won't last forever. That i won't be sad forever. That i am worth it.
Thank you for doing that. Thank you for helping me.

Reply
JESSICA FORTUNATO
12/03/2013 7:02pm

I am so happy to read that this post can still help. Even as the writer of it, I wake up sometimes and reread it to help me remember. It really will be ok and for all that I fear could happen next, I have survived worse. As will you. *hugs*

Reply



Leave a Reply