Very rough, just a snippet of something I've been working on.
I’m restless again. It happens like clockwork this time of year. The leaves change to the jewel tones of autumn and I turn azure. I try to drown out the noise in my brain with anything available. A cartoon blares on the television, Kansas blasts through my headphones. Carry on my wayward son. Suddenly I can’t remember if listening to your music too loud can really damage your hearing or if that is a myth.
I visit cemeteries this time of year, although there is no headstone here with his name on it. I wander along the epitaphs, etched towers that take a whole life and boil it down to 140 characters or less. Tombstones, the original twitter, and I laugh in that sick desperate way that worries people. Well, if anyone were listening I mean.
I sit down under the tree, the one struck by lightning two years ago. Damn thing is practically split in half and yet the groundskeepers leave it be. I like that. It’s gnarled and ugly, broken in two never to be pieced back together again. The old tree and I understand one another. I feel like I belong here.
The ghosts echo mournful pleas. I swear sometimes when I slow my walking and listen hard their words float like wisps from the cracks in the soil.
They say dozens of different things, thousands even. Mostly they want to go back. They want to go back to that one moment that split them in two, like my tree. They want to fix it, to shield themselves from the lightning. Even death did not change their sorrows. I can hear every single voice, and I know how they feel.
I never believed people could change. Of course, sometimes people could pretend to be who you wanted them to be. Yet, they could never maintain the façade for very long. I am an atheist of change.
Maybe people can’t make the conscious effort to change like that. I think, if anything, life is what changes you. You don’t change due to ultimatums, fear of punishment, loneliness. You change on a random Tuesday afternoon at 4:13 when you weren’t paying any attention. You change when you lose everything, when you become split into who you were and who you are now.
Instead of saying “Anyone can change” we should say “Anyone can adapt” Once your heart is frozen in that state of grief, there is no going back. Perhaps all we can do is become accustomed to the cold. Allow it to numb every inch of us. It can’t be changed, so we have to allow it to settle in our bones.
I dance with the cold now. We waltz through life, the cold and the Snow Queen. We feel nothing, know nothing, and have faith in nothing. Does the cold makes us free, or chain us to our mourning forever?
This I don’t know. I am only the girl who likes broken things, who was cut in half one sunny November day, who dances with the frost.
I am only the Snow Queen.
And so we waltz.
1,2,3, 1,2,3 1,2,3,
Today is the final day of National Suicide Prevention Week, and today's topic is hope. So I asked my friends, fellow authors, what is hope? What gives you hope? What are your thoughts on hope?
Here are our answers. Some are fun, some are sad, some are deep, but the thing that struck me the most was how similiar our words are.
How within all of us there is a spark of recognition for this thing called Hope.
" I am pretty good with words. I'd say it is the only thing I'm good at. Millions upon Trillions of words and very few carry the weight of Hope.
Hope (a verb): to expect with confidence, trust
To expect with confidence. To believe within your heart.
And we hope for so much.
Good grades, good partners, to be accepted, to be loved.
We hope for good fortune, we hope other's get what they want.
Sometimes we even hope they get what they deserve.
Sometimes we hope beyond reason.
That the person we miss will transcend time and distance, just so we may hold them again.
We hope to go back. To change that one thing...that changed everything.
We hope for so much. Even in the darkness.
When you're depressed you hope someone will notice. You hope they will gather up the shards of you and glue you back together, like a fine vase.
You hope they'll notice you've stopped eating, or that common sense would dictate that cats don't scratch in perfect razored lines.
Today is a day of hope, but personally I think it should also be a day of belief.
Belief that the weight of the world you carry will ease with time.
Belief that there are people out there right now, all over the globe, who understand your pain.
Belief that the ache in your heart. The heart you feel is deadened, is really an ache to LIVE.
It's not easy. If it were, there wouldn't be so many of us. So here is the advice you didn't ask for.
BREATHE. Fill your lungs with air and then do it again.
Give what you don't get. Be it love, attention, a listening ear, or a hand to hold.
Sit down, write your story.
Take a moment to realize all you've survived.
And the thing survivors should know is that they have been victorious once.
You can be again.
Believe in asking for help. It doesn't make you weak, it makes you smart.
If one person, two people, a whole town dismisses you.
And if you feel adrift in an endless ocean.
Keep asking. Scream it if you must.
Don't you dare stop until you've reached the safety of the harbor.
Once you do, you'll breathe without thinking.
You'll love without hesitation.
But once you find your harbor, I hope you won't stay too long.
Because there are people out there who need to hear your story, as only you can tell it.
Thousands of others still lost at sea.
Pass your hope to them like messages in bottles.
And in doing so, you'll forge a bond stronger than you'd ever dared hope for to begin with."
~With Love Always. Jessica Fortunato (Author of The Sin Collector Series)
"Emily Dickinson once wrote that “Hope is the thing with feathers/ that perches in the soul.”
She knew what she was talking about. Hope is often hidden, buried deep
within us, but it has wings. Remember, you carry Hope within you, even in the darkest places. No one can take that which is yours, and Hope sits at the core of your being.
Thanks to Pandora, there is always a store of Hope. It is only one little thing with feathers, and although it may sometimes seem like it’s not enough to combat all the misery and pain and suffering, Hope is stronger than you think.
Trust the small, winged thing at the center of your soul. Never give up Hope. Spread your wings and soar."
~Jen McConnel (Author of The Burning of Isobel Key)
"Hope is, arguably, the most underrated, yet overused, word in our language. I hope I get that job. I hope we're having pizza for dinner. I hope he/she likes me. Everywhere one turns, phrases involving hope are bandied around in casual conversation.
Collectively, we sell hope short. We cheapen it with our selfish, narcissistic application. Hope involves more than the attainment of some momentary satisfaction or enjoyment. It is much more, even, than leverage within
the elusive, everyday games that people play.
Hope is magical stuff. Hope is powerful stuff. It has the power to save
lives, yes, but it can even save one life. It has the power to change your world ... my world ... the world.
Hope shouldn't be hoped for. It shouldn't be tossed around as conversational filler. It should be seeded and sown, encouraged and fostered,
shared and spread around and celebrated. Hope should be provided to those who need it most. Hope should be the last thing that is neglected or abandoned or forgotten among our busy, everyday lives.
At least, that's what I hope."
~Thomas Winship (Author of Vaempires Book Series)
“They say that Hope Springs Eternal. But, the truth is, it really comes in fits and starts, sort of sputtering now and then, bubbling up when least expected. It’s been my experience that hope isn’t something that comes from outside. Instead, it’s an idea that we carry inside us. It’s elusive sometimes, an idea that doesn’t come to the forefront when we call it up, but that seems to enjoy surprising us. When we think we’ve forgotten how to hold the thought of Hope, that’s when it springs out. It jumps forward and shows us that while we may not know where the dark paths we tread are taking us, we know they are taking us to someplace brighter.
So, when it seems that Hope is gone for good, stick around and give it time.
It will be back when you least expect it.”
~Brandon Luffman (Author of Frostwalker)
"Hope is what gets us out of bed in the morning. It takes us beyond our doorstep when fear holds us back. Hope for love let's us pick up the pieces of our broken hearts. Hope is what keeps us authors writing the next words.
After Zeus made the first woman Pandora, he gave her a box and told her not to open it. Out of curiosity she did. Out of the box escaped all the evils of the world. No longer could man linger in comfort. He had to toil and suffer sickness. However, the last thing to escape the box was Hope. So, man could endure hardship because of hope.
Because I'm a fan of balance I like the following:
"Hope is itself a species of happiness, and, perhaps, the chief happiness which this world affords: but, like all other pleasures immoderately enjoyed, the excesses of hope must be expiated by pain; and expectations improperly indulged must end in disappointment.
SAMUEL JOHNSON, Letter, Jun. 8, 1762"
~Noree Cosper (Author of Prescription for Delirium and Trip The Eclipse Blog)
"It’s easy to lose hope. It’s easy to forget how wonderful you are, or what you bring to the table. I think we all push ourselves too hard nowadays—we’re striving to achieve, to be better, to succeed in something before we die. We sometimes lose track of the why. Why bother?
It’s in those spiraling moments that we need a trampoline—something bouncy and a little soft. Sometimes, we’re just not strong enough on our own to remember what makes life so beautiful, or precious, or funny as all hell. So we need some help.
The trampoline can be a person. It can be the teddy bear no one knows you still have. It can be a solo hike through a forest, or an hour spent looking at adorable pictures of cats. It can be an evening laughing over dinner with a good friend.
Trampolines—and the hope that comes with them—are everywhere.
I’m analytical. So when I’m low, I write a list. It’s just for me. It’s a list of everything I’m good at doing. Things I know I can do well. It ranges from the big to the small, and it’s just for me. I’m not allowed to be modest when I write it, because that can turn into self-deprecation that makes me start to spiral again.
But here’s the truth: we’re all amazing at something. A lot of us are amazing at several somethings, and it’s easy to forget. It’s easy to lose hope in ourselves and forget to love who and what we are. And if we can’t love ourselves, we can’t love anyone.
Treat yourself today, whether you’re low or not. Write a list of everything you can do well, whether you have a sweet laugh or can pick up socks with your toes. You don’t have to be the best in the world at it, but you’re good. Works for me. Write it down.
There’s always hope. Sometimes, we just need help remembering where we left it. Hold on tight. You’ll get through the low spots. And love yourself, damn it. You’re awesome."
~S.M. Boyce (Author of the Grimoire Trilogy)
"When I was in middle school, I cried every Sunday night. Because the next day was Monday. And that meant going back to school. Endowed with all your typical nerdish features and crippling social anxiety, I was virtually friendless. In case this wasn't much of a hint, let me clear it up: life sucked. I thought I'd be alone forever. Then I got to high school, where the nerds made up a larger group, where I made friends.
I still had zero in the way of a love life, but I wasn't crying so many Sunday nights. Cue college. Suddenly, there were all sorts of people like me. People who *liked* me. People who appreciated the quirks that had outcast me in middle school. That golden age took a downturn, but just when I thought I'd lost it all, I found again the kind of people who I thought I'd lost forever.
I'm not out of the hole yet, but I've learned something. That ache in your gut? That scream at the back of your throat? It doesn't last forever. It *can't*. Just when you think you can't feel any worse...you realize that you can't feel any worse.
And you start to feel better."
~C.J. Listro (Author of the Sarcasm and Lemons Blog & Dark Moon Series)
"I have had two experiences with suicide. One was when I took 50 sleeping pills and laid down on my bed. I had packed my entire apartment into boxes, cleaned it, and left notes for everyone that I cared about to apologize for what I had done.
The other was recently, when my brother in law of 17 years took his own life in the bedroom that he and his wife shared.
My hope, both times, was in the love of God and Jesus. I know, some Christians don’t show love. You may have been hurt by a church, a religious person, or an another organization. But I will tell you that if you are ever alone, if you ever feel that no one cares, if you ever believe that you don’t matter, if you ever feel that you are broken inside, the Lord says something else about you. He says that you are complete in Him. He says that you are an overcomer. He says that you are able to do all things in Him. He says that you are more than a conquerer...that you are the head and not the tail...first and not last...that you are strong in Him...You can be set free.
I never want to beat anyone over the head with Jesus. I just want you to know that He loves you...and that you are special to Him. With Him, there is always hope. I know...He was there for me when I lay on my bed, 50 sleeping pills swimming in my stomach. I looked at my ceiling not able to believe that I had done it. I had taken my own life. It was inevitable now. Suddenly i was scared to death. I prayed for my first time then. I said, “ God, if you’re real, save me. I don’t want to die.” He saved me. There is always hope in him."
~J. Scott Sharp (Author of Not Even There)
This series has stemmed from my love for strong female characters in fiction. I started looking for the strong women in history and myth. Now, I’d like to
introduce the mother of all strong women.
To this day, many think that Eve, born from Adam’s rib, was the first
woman according to the Bible. Actually, Lilith came before her, according to the Hebrew myths. In the story, Adam still complained to God about being alone. Therefore, god created Lilith out of sediment and filth.
Now, Lilith was NOT Eve. She refused to be subservient and considered
herself equal (sound familiar?) She didn’t want to lie beneath him during sex.
(Hey, I agree. That would be boring all the time.) So, when Adam tried to force
her, Lilith, in a rage, used the magical name of God and flew away.
Adam once again complained. God sent three angels to fetch Lilith. They
found her at the Red Sea, cavorting with demons. The children born from those
unions were called lilim. The angels ordered her to return but she refused
stating how could she be a good housewife after what she’d done?
They commanded her to return and once again, she refused. She promised to strangle any children, boys until the eighth day and girls until the twelfth day, unless the symbol of the three angels protected the children.
OK, I’m going to stop here for a moment. Eve didn’t even exist yet. God
created her after Lilith refused. That means the first humans were from Adam and Lilith. Interesting implications, hmm?
Even in the beginning there were strong women. And of course she is
depicted as evil. Made of filth and all that. Still, I think I prefer Lilith to
Be sure to read “Flower of Hell” in Paramourtal:
Paramour: a lover.
Paramortal: a supernatural being.
Together, they become PARAMOURTAL
a collection of spellbinding new paranormal romance stories by some of the most talented writers today. Suspenseful, dangerous, humorous, heartwarming and just plain scary as hell, these varied dark tales will grip your heart and haunt you forever. To see the full front and back covers, click on the photo at right. To order, click on the buttons. The Flower of Hell by Noree CosperDemon hunter Gabriella
devoted her immortal life to finding the vile creature that slaughtered her
family. Tracking it to Paris, she encounters Dimitri, a handsome vampire hunter. Forced to seek his aid, she becomes distracted by long forgotten desires. But it is a distraction that may get them killed.
Noree Cosper loves writing about magic in the modern world.
While growing up in Texas she constantly searched for mystical elements in the
mundane. She buried her nose in both fiction and books about Wicca, Religion,
and Mythology. Everyday became an adventure as she joined a group of
role-players, acting out her fantasies of vampires, demons, and monsters living
in the world.
She embraced her nerdom
Noree grew, but never left her love for fantasy and horror. Her
dreams pushed her and her hand itched to write the visions she saw. With her
fingers on the keys, she did what her heart had been telling her to do since childhood. She wrote.
Noree can be found stalking people on Twitter
She also likes to ramble about things magical or supernatural at Trip the Eclipse
S. M. Boyce wrote Lichgatesa year ago. Now, she’s formally re-releasing the novel with a bunch of bonus features and a gorgeous new cover. Check it out!
Lichgates New Features
re-release is going to be snazzy. I’m so excited. Here’s what you’ll get with the new edition:
· New cover.
· Re-polished narrative.
· New Prelude chapter. This is an entirely new short
that gives insight into Kara’s life before she found Ourea.
The re-release date is currently set for some time in September. Be sure to sign up for the Grimoire Trilogy VIP list
to be the first to know when the date’s set!
What’s cooler is that its sequel Treason,
will come out just a month or so later. You can sign up for the VIP list
to learn more about that the second news becomes available or apply for an Advanced Review Copy
Whatever you do, make sure you add the full Grimoire Trilogy to your Goodreads TBR list
! Lichgates Reviews
“This would make a great movie. A great TV show. Great everything. I mean, Boyce sells it at the concept, but she doesn’t stop there. She delivers.”
--Rebecca Hamilton, author of The Forever Girl
“Boyce’s storytelling is so rich and deftly executed that I found myself bouncing between pure amazement, unadulterated enjoyment, and absolute, perverse envy. She is that
good.” Tom Winship, author of the Vaempires
“This is fantasy at its best!”
--The Story Seekers
“The writing is flawless. The kingdoms and surrounding landscapes breathtaking. The Grimoire is a piece of imaginative genius that bedazzles from the moment Kara falls into the land of Ourea.”
--Nikki Jefford, author of the Spellbound
…and those are only a few reviews. Check out Amazon
, Barnes & Noble
, and Goodreads
to hear what has people grabbing copies and salivating for the sequel. The Lichgates Blurb
The Grimoire turns its own
pages and can answer any question asked of it...and Kara Magari is its next
Kara has no idea what she's getting herself into when she stumbles across the old book while hiking along a hidden trail. Once she opens it, she's thrown into Ourea: a beautiful world full of terrifying beings that all want the Grimoire's secrets. Everyone in this newworld is trying to find her, but most just want to control the new-found power the Grimoire bestows upon her.
Braeden Drakonin grew up in
Ourea, and all he’s ever known in life is lying. The Grimoire is his one chance
at redemption, and it lands in his lap when Kara Magari comes into his life. He
has one question to ask the book—one question that can fix everything in his
broken world—and he’s not letting Kara out of his sight until he gets an
Kara cannot escape her new
life in Ourea. There’s no going back
now. The Lichgates Prelude
Boyce is going to provide the prelude
free online for anyone who has already bought the previous version. Sign up for the VIP list
to learn when she posts
it! Lichgates Links
Impatient? You can still grab the old
edition and read while you wait. Grab Your
Copy Amazon (US)
| Amazon (UK)
| Barnes &
| Goodreads Learn
More Read the 1st Chapter
FREE Watch the Trailer
| Visit the Online
(Grimoire Trilogy #2)
Available October 27,
Kara Magari ignited a war when she stumbled into the dark and stunning world of Ourea, and all because of that stupid Grimoire she found. The armies have amassed. The traitors are exposed, and Kara is alone.
The war has
started. VIP List
| Get an ARC The Author
S.M. Boyce is a fantasy and paranormal fiction novelist
who also dabbles in contemporary fiction and comedy. She’s a sarcastic twit, but her friends seem to like her anyway. She updates her blog
a few times each week so that you have something to wake you up in the morning?).
Also, her B.A. in Creative Writing qualifies her to serve you french
| Twitter | Google+ | YouTube Goodreads Author
| Amazon Author
Væmpires: Zombie Rising
The tale of The Evolutionary War resumes in Væmpires: Zombie Rising.
Væmpires have taken control of twelve major cities. Their leader, Vielyn, seeks the atomic weapons that will bring the rest of the world to its knees.
Vampire forces are reeling. As Linq and Ray race to the royal estate to rendezvous with Cassandra and Daniel … the princess is captured and Daniel falls.
With the fate of world shifting to their teenage shoulders, Linq and Ray must deal with tremendous losses while battling a most unexpected—and undeadly—new foe.
Thomas WinshipThomas Winship lives in New York. He holds an MBA in Management from St. Thomas Aquinas College, where he serves as MBA Director and adjunct professor of courses in English Composition, Communications, and Business. He also spent fifteen years working for a global pharmaceutical company, specializing in organizational development, talent management, and training.
Tom writes in his spare time. His first novel, a mystery/legal thriller entitled Temporary Insanity
(a.k.a. Case Closed
), was a 2008 finalist in a national contest but failed to garner industry attention. He published Vaempires: Revolution
last October and a follow-up novella, Vaempires: White Christmas,
in December. He is currently working on the next installment of the Vaempires
Tom is an avid collector of books, comic books, music, and movies.His interests are diverse—on any given day, Tom is likely to be found watching a horror movie, attending a hard rock concert, or enjoying a Broadway show.